Picture the scene.  You are gaming in a dim and smoke-filled room with three of your evilest, smack-talking gaming buddies and your army is in the midst of a complicated and dangerous assault on a table laden with tricky terrain.  You only have 400 points on the table, so every model counts.  The vile abuse and acid-laden taunts are flying thick and fast, and you have to keep up with that as well as with the ever-changing gamescape.

And one of your so-called buddies is holding a stopwatch and crowing that you only have 20 seconds to complete your shooting phase!  And you’re playing Tau!

Welcome to the joys of Rapid Fire Combat Patrol

The rules are simple.  You do not talk about Rapid Fire…no, hang on, failed meme-jack.  The rules are that each player gets 2 minutes for deployment, 2 minutes for each Movement phase and 2 minutes for each Shooting phase.  The only phase you don’t time is the Assault phase, since that is not under the control of just one player.  There is no rest between phases or between Turns, and the stopwatch is reset and started again immediately.

If a rules question comes up then the timekeeper stops the clock until he thinks it has been resolved.

Despite these strict time limits, we only managed to get three full games in yesterday evening, but at one an hour, and given how many times we stopped for a blether, or to discuss the particular odour of cheese coming from any of the many armies assembled, or to wonder openly at the flagrantly camp nature of Rab’s daemon prince this was pretty good going for us.

The Armies:-

Orks:

• Big Mek w/ KFF;
• 10 Grots with Runt Herder; and
• 3×2 Killa Kans with Grotzookas

Imperial Guard:

• 10 Veterans with 3 meltas in a Chimera with ML and hull HF;
• 10 Veterans with 3 plasmas in a Chimera with ML and hull HF; and
• 1 Hydra with hull HF.

Daemons:

• 10 x Daemonettes;
• 4 x Fiends of Slaanesh;
• 3 x Flamers of Tzeentch.

Tyranids:

• Broodlord with 4 Genestealers;
• 10 Genestealers; and
• 10 Genestealers.

Tau:

• 8 Fire Warriors;
• Sniper Drone Team;
• 3 XV25 Stealth Suits;
• XV8 Crisis Suit Team Leader w/  Missile Pod, Plasma Rifle, Targeting Array and HW Multi-tracker; and
• Piranha w/ Targetting Array & Fusion Blaster.

The Results:-

1. Orks (me) vs Imperial Guard (Brian)

The ork army was a fluff-bunny’s delight, built purely to a theme with no thought for potential on the tabletop.  You can see it in its fully-painted glory here.  Brian’s army was a raw netlist scraped from some WAAC (Win At All Costs) forum that stunk my cheese-ometer into overload.  Still, I agreed, grudgingly, to play him, on the basis that if, somehow, against all the odds and laws of man and god, I eked out a win, I would be crowned the greatest player of all time.

Reader, I won.

I won’t bore you with details of my tactical nous, which my opponent mistakenly and rather oafishly construed as “charging forward with a wall of steel running pell-mell for my tanks and trusting to a 4+ cover save to keep him alive”, which only goes to show how much he lacks an appreciation of the finer points of martial direction and strategic thinking.

I will not go into too many details about Brian’s means of cowardly avoiding combat by moving backwards (is that allowed? I never had time to ask, but any man of honour knows the answer in his heart), but it availed him nothing.  Other than two wrecked Killa Kans, but they are a mere detail.  A trifle.  Victory went to the pure, proving once and for all that when it comes to a battle between ultra-competitive, WAAC gamers and those who care only for the thematic and artistic merits of the hobby, the dice gods will always come down on the side of justice.

2.  Daemons (Robert) vs Imperial Guard (Brian)

I remember this game occurring, but very little about it, basking as I was in the adulation of the masses.  Some daemons came in and attacked some tanks.  There was probably some shooting, and dice were certainly rolled at one point.  I expect the Imperial Guard ran away a lot, but that is mere conjecture.

(The Daemons won with some good assaults on the IG lines, and the IG just could not marshall enough focused shooting to wipe any single unit out.  The game ended with all the IG units wiped out bar the Hydra, which was stunned and without its flak cannon.)

3. Tyranids (Gary) vs Tau (me)

Like a leper using a stone keyboard, it pains me to write this.

Gary brought what can only be described as an army tailor-made to kill Tau.  Struggle as I can – and I love him as a brother – I can find no other honest way to put it.  I decry tailoring one’s list to beat a particular opponent, and I can only hope that, in the aftermath of the indubitably hollow and empty victory Gary earned – a tarnished bauble no gentleman of breeding would ever display in public – he realises how low and inferior his methods have become.  If you come across him today, and he cannot meet your eye – nor even the eye of a menial, a servant or one of the female class – you will know what anguish tears at his soul.

How he knew I was going to play Tau when I had told him I would bring Orks is only another infernal blot on his dark heart.

But, like a child anxious to play his Xbox, I must press on.

I’ll wait…

Ahem

(Gary won the roll to go first and decided to infiltrate everything.  I set up on top of terrain, trying to cover as many blind spots near my deployment zone as possible.  Luckily, I seized the initiative and managed to shoot his Broodlord squad off the table.  The remaining two squads of Genestealers, enraged at the loss of their master, covered an enormous amount of ground to close the gap.  An assault on the blocking Piranha failed to hurt at all(!), and the Tau gunline wiped one of the two squads off the table.

Some bad maneuvering on my part resulted in the last remaining squad getting off a multi-charge on my Fire Warriors and Stealth Suits, wiping them out.

All I could do was move my Crisis Suit to draw the ‘stealers into the open where my sniper drones could see them.  I killed a few more and the Crisis Suit was charged by seven ‘stealers.  And lived!  Sensing a vast and impossible victory in the making, I advanced my Sniper Drone Squad and charged with them.  Yes, you read that right   Incredibly, the ‘stealers did no wounds yet again.  Prepare a message for Aun’Va – this battle will be studied for years to come. Could I pull this off? 

No.  I did all my attacks back and wiffed.  I died horribly the next Turn.

Congrats to Gary on his inaugural win with his new ‘stealer list.  He took a very shaky opening and stuck to the plan.  I look forward to denying your Doom of Malantai the opportunity to kill me in my Devilfish soon

Conclusion

Three great games, and a lot of fun.  There were even jelly babies.  Note: jelly babies should not be used to proxy models or count wounds, unless you like squads that shrink or models that heal themselves when no-one is looking.

Next post: more Malifaux city terrain, and maybe an overview of the new Malifaux book, Rising Powers.

Oh, yes – Robert – you left your dice tower behind

“Captain Hawkes.”  The Judge Advocate’s voice was as solemn as the faces of his fellow judges and as heavy as the pall that had settled over the Court Martial when Hawkes had entered between his iron-faced prison escorts. “Captain Hawkes.  Your long and distinguished career may cause some present to disregard the seriousness of the charges laid against you today, but let no man here imagine I am among them.”  He looked down his aqualine nose at Captain Hawkes standing ramrod straight before the Breaker’s Bench, then glanced down at the court slate before continuing.  “Gross dereliction of duty.  Abandonment of post.  Misappropriation of Administratum materiel, munitions and manpower.  Failure to obey a direct order.”

The Judge Advocate shook  his head slowly.  “Before I hear your plea, just tell me one thing.  What could have possibly caused a man of your experience and accomplishments to leave the security of Forward Base Leonarca and engage with the enemy in direct contravention of standing and specific orders?”

There was no response from the taciturn Hawkes. Frowning, the Judge Advocate pressed the matter.  “On M39.88641 the Tau seized four of your men from a forest outpost.  Did you lead an unauthorised sortie against them then?”

After a moment, Hawkes shook his head.  “No, sir.  We had orders, sir.”

The Judge Advocate nodded.  “Indeed.  And on M39.88644 the Tau and their mercenary allies firebombed a convoy of eighteen armoured supply wagons.  Did you lead an unauthorised sortie against them then?”

“No, sir.”

“And on M39.88648, hit and run Tau units within the forests placed FB Leonarca under close-range bombardment for a period of eleven days.  Was that sufficient provocation to lead an unauthorised sortie into the woods after them?”

“No,  sir.”

The Judge Advocate leaned over the bench, his face suddenly flushed with anger.  “Then tell me what in the name of the Emperor’s left teat possessed you, at 0800 on M39.88656, to abandon FB Leonarca and seek an engagement with the enemy?”

Captain Hawkes was still for a moment, and then a sideways glance and nod led his lawyer to open a long kitbag and withdraw an item, which he placed on the scribe’s table in the centre of the courtroom.  It was about as long as a lasrifle, gaudily coloured and smooth. Flared at one end, it tapered smoothly to a small opening at the other.

A gasp rippled around the courtroom.

Captain Hawkes looked up at a visibly shocked Judge Advocate.  “The damned xenos got their hands on over a thousand vuvuzelas, sir.”  For a moment, a tremor ran through him.  “My men – they couldn’t last any longer. I – I had to do something.”

The Judge Advocate sat back, his face white.  “All charges against Captain Hawkes are dismissed.  Now,” he snarled, his lip curled in disgust,  “burn that thing.”

Lure Of The TauTauZela

IG Vengeance Sortie (Brian):-

• Veteran squad (10), 3 grenade launchers and Grenadiers (4+ armour save);
• Veteran squad (10), 3 grenade launchers and Grenadiers (4+ armour save);
• Chimera, 2 heavy bolters;
• Ratlings (3)
• Storm Trooper squad (5).

Tau Forest Patrol (me):-

• 10 Fire Warriors;
• 10 Kroot and 12 Kroot Hounds;
• 10 Kroot and 12 Kroot Hounds.

Both forces came to 400 points, and the game was played with Combat Patrol rules.  I would usually go with Crisis Suits in Combat Patrol, but I decided to try something new and (for me) unusual.  Neither army was tailored to the other, and I would up in the unusual position of having fewer KP than my opponent and more models, too!

(NOTE: Tau cannot take the 1+ Tau Commander in Combat Patrol, as he has 3 wounds)

Looking at Brian’s army, I realised there was very little I could do about the chimera.  I could glance it in assault, but it would likely tank shock my Kroot off the table.  I had to avoid it if possible.  The six grenade launchers were a concern, so I would have to spread out.  I decided that the scenario called for my Fire Warriors being the bait in a trap.  I would start them on the table and keep the Kroot in reserve, hoping to get them Outflanking and into assault asap.

I won the roll and elected to let Brian go first, knowing he would have nothing to shoot at.

Turn 1

I didn’t get a shot of deployment, but this shows the IG side of the table, just after movement.  The chimera moved 12″ forward, the storm troopers inside.  One IG squad moved up behind them, and the other stayed put.

Notice the ratlings, perched high on the ruin.

My Fire Warriors, who had deployed on the table out of line of sight, stayed put on Turn 1, playing their vuvuzelas for all they were worth

Turn 2

The chimera moved 6″ and the storm troopers got out into terrain at the rear, and ran around the side into clear ground.  They would have a clear line of sight on my Fire Warriors next Turn.

With nothing to shoot at, the Veteran squads headed for the ruins in the centre of the table, knowing that the Kroot did not have assault grenades (grr!).

Shooting from the Ratling snipers killed one Fire Warrior and succeeded in pinning the unit

The first Kroot squad comes in, sadly on the side I didn’t want them to.  Damned dice gremlins!  I position them so they are receiving cover from the woods.  Notice they are clumped up at the rear – this is deliberate to try and entice the enemy forward to get their blasts in range, or to entice them to target the rear with their grenade launchers and miss for being out of range.

NOTE: yes, the Kroot with tyranid arms are “counts as” Kroot Hounds.  The other squad has actual Kroot Hound models, but I think these ones really capture the Kroot evolutionary processes.

Turn 3

The Veteran squads don’t move, so they can shoot 24″ with their lasrifles.

The Chimera advances 6″, with the storm troopers in cover behind it.  Why in cover, since they have a 4+ save and I have no AP4 or less weapons?  Who knows

Shooting kills another Fire Warrior, although the snipers miss completely.

Both Veteran squads unload into the Kroot, all six grenade launchers hit, but with their 3+ cover save and wide distribution the Kroot take only one casualty!  Captain Hawkes starts to worry…

The second unit of Kroot come in, annoyingly on the same side as the first unit. They run an extra 3″.

The Fire Warriors climb into the ruins, to avoid being tank shocked.

They unleash hell on the storm troopers below, killing three. The storm troopers make their morale with snake-eyes, and laugh in the face of danger.

The first unit of Kroot move forward, but roll badly to enter the ruins and fail to even reach them. They shoot, but only three can see the Veterans. Nonetheless, they kill one.

Turn 4

The wounded Veteran squad climb into the ruins. They shoot at the Kroot, killing only a couple.

The other Veteran squad seek the cover of the ruins as well, but fail to get completely inside. They shoot, and kill a single Kroot. Cover saves are great!

The chimera rotates in place, and the storm troopers move up to shoot. They and the chimera unload on the Fire Warriors, killing two.

The Fire Warriors make their morale check and shoot back, killing both storm troopers.

The first Kroot squad move towards the ruins again, but fail to get inside. Opting not to shoot, they try for the assault, but fail to get the necessary 6″

The second Kroot squad move up 6″ and blast away at the Veterans, killing an incredible seven with their Kroot rifles! Only the sergeant and the three special weapon

Turn 5

A change of plan for the Imperial Guard. Enraged beyond human endurance by the sound of the plastic horns (and behind on KPs), they turn their fire on the, err, Fire Warriors.  Both squads move through the ruins into position, and they, the Ratling snipers and the chimera blast away at the brave Shas’la…

…who promptly go to ground. Despite the 3+ cover save, four are killed. The unit makes its morale check, and keep playing those wonderful horns.

The second Kroot squad moves up 6″, and gets all 10 Kroot carnivores within rapid fire range. Being too far away to assault, they unload into the badly depleted Veteran squad. 20 shots, 16 hits and a plethora of wounds later, the Veteran squad is gone.

The first Kroot squad move into the ruins and assault.

Ten of them get to attack and, even though they go last, slaughter the other Veteran squad for only two casualties back.

They consolidate to try and get line of sight on the Ratling snipers.

Turns 6 & 7

There is not much left to do. The chimera and ratlings shoot.  They get the Fire Warriors down to two shas’la, and they fall back.  The Kroot shoot back at the Ratlings, who go to ground, and with 2+ cover saves they are fine till the end of Turn 7.

The game ends 3KP to 1KP in favour of the Tau

Aftermath

IG

Brian brought the stormtroopers for their AP3 thinking I would have crisis suits, and they did very little for him this game.  The snipers managed to pin the Fire Warriors but, as later Turns showed, this was more luck than anything predictable with so few snipers in the unit.

The grenade launchers were a good choice, with S6 options available, but with the spread-out Kroot and cover saves, they didn’t perform well.

Brian said after the game that he should have focused on one squad at a time, and I agree with him.  I think he should also have made more use of the chimera to tank shock and screen his other units.

Swapping out the ratlings and making a few changes might get him one or two sentinels, which are always good value at 400 pts.

Tau

It’s not often I get to play horde armies(!), so this was a fun experience.  I felt a little unlucky with both Kroot squads coming in on the worst side of the table, but as the game showed, never discount the value of cover saves for Kroot.  Against flamers, however, the story would have been a very different one.

This game has reminded me of the value of Combat Patrol in letting players get experiencce with unusual units or playstyles, and we’ll certainly try and get some more games in soon – especially looking forward to facing Robert’s new Daemons and Orks

(PS. I actually like the vuvuzelas )

Just a few photos from a recent game at the G3 club in Glasgow. 3000 points; Heroes of the Imperium vs Foul Xenos Scum. Blood Angels, Imperial Guard and Sisters of Battle vs Necrons, Orks and Tau. I played Tau, but you knew that already.

Tis not a batrep. Highlights included:-

• A unit of Crisis Suits being wiped out by Retributor heavy bolters and some expedient Faith Point usage;
• Broadsides turning to port, locating a distant (67") Blood Angels Venerable Dreadnought, and turning him to slag. Thus is my inexplicable hatred of the Blood Angels vented once again;
• Kroot charging a unit of Sisters (containing a Sister Superior and a Priest, no less). And winning. But failing to Sweeping Advance (rolled a 1, dammit, when I had made sure my unit I was 5 by taking casualties from the Kroot Carnivores and not the Hounds). They took a charge the next Turn from the remnants of the Sisters unit and a unit of arco-flagellants, and all three units wiped each other out – not a model left standing
• My brave Fire Warriors holding the objective, whittled down to only three shas'la by more heavy bolter fire.

The result was a win for the Intolerable Xenos Abominations, with the Necrons nabbing the win from the Blood Angels through superior mobility. Hah – take that you High Gothic-speaking, Throne-worshipping, hair shirt-wearing sacks of mostly water!

Lots of fun, and the game was well GM'd by Doug. Cheers, mate

I don’t usually post stories unless they are complete, but it’s always good to do things a little differently now and then, so here is the first 3000 words of Lost And Broken Things, one of my failed entries to the Fear The Alien competition.

This story will not be 7000 words. Since I have no length restrictions, I can flesh out a few ideas and situations. It won’t be too much more than 7000, though.

I have precious little idea what the title refers to. It might fit. My instinct says it does, my reason otherwise.

All comments and crit gratefully received

#

Lost And Broken Things

#

The lights in the troop compartment went out slowly, but the chimera’s engine died immediately and without a splutter. As the lights faded to black through yellow and ochre, Quartermaster Fynneas Gage could hear the crunch of the desert crust over the clank of the tracks, and then even those sounds vanished as the compartment went dark. The chassis rocked briefly and then everything was still and silent.

This scenario used to be available from Games Workshop’s website, but it is there no longer. If you can find it, let me know.

Basically, you play with vehicles only. Nothing else. One of the defender’s vehicles starts the game with the titular engine trouble, and is immobilised. Beginning on Turn 2, the defender can try to repair the damage. 4+ on Turn 2, 3+ on Turn 3 and 2+ on every Turn thereafter. Note that this repair roll can be made if the tank is immobilised by enemy fire later in the game.

The defender starts in an 18″ square in one corner of the table, and the attacker deploys in a 6″ strip along the short table end furthest away from the defender.

The defender wins if he gets the damaged tank to the opposite long table edge. The attacker wins if he stops him. We played infinite Turns, since otherwise the defender can lose simply by failing to repair the engine in the first few Turns.

IG Army (4th Ed codex)
3 Leman Russ
1 Hellhound
1 Chimera
1 Valkyrie
2 Autocannon Sentinels

One of the Leman Russ was selected to be the Damaged tank.

Tau Army