Does Cheesefest McSholto want to rock Tri-Land Raiders against your poor Daemons and Nids?  Well, make him step the f**k back with your homemade Daemonic Screamers, and make him cry all the way back to mummy with this new feature I have no choice but to call:

Chewtoerial: Screamers of DAS (Tzeentch)

Brought to you by the words (and eerie disembodied hands) of Captain Carrot

The impossible had come to pass – three married men who should know better had found themselves with a whole day in which to play toy soldiers.  After gathering ourselves from the collective fainting couch, we realised there was nothing else for it – it was time to super-size this sucker.  3000pts a side.

Could we – the slowest, most laid-back players in the British Isles – manage this in a single day?  Or would we still be setting up terrain and admiring each other’s armies two hours in?

Your guess is as good as mine, except I was there and I know what happened so that was a complete lie!  It will not be the last!  Moving on!

Regular Imperial Guard player Brian couldn’t make it, as he is a married man who really did know better, so it was left to me to uphold the honour of the Imperium.  Which I did with 3106pts of Deathwing with Grey Knight allies.  You can uphold a lot with 3106pts.  We’d agreed to allow multiple detachments given the point limit.

HQ

• Master of the Deathwing (bet that looks good on a business card) Belial with Lightning Claws
• Interrogator Chaplain (Imamiah) with Terminator Armour and combi-melta
• Librarian (Socodiah) with Terminator Armour and combi-melta
• Allied Grey Knight Grand Master (Ceres) with Holocaust, Psycannon, Targeter, Unguents of Warding (4+ save vs psychic powers), Sacred Incense (-1 Initiative to Chaos in base contact) and Psychic Hood

ELITES

• Venerable Dreadnought (Kaelen), Multimelta, Extra Armour
• Venerable Dreadnought (Torquaret), Multimelta, Extra Armour
• Venerable Dreadnought (Zekiel), Assault Cannon, Extra Armour

TROOPS

• 5 x Deathwing Terminators (Agares), Assault Cannon, Apothecary, Deathwing Banner, TH/SS, Power Fist, Lightning Claws, Chainfist, Sergeant with power weapon
• 5 x Deathwing Terminators (Butator), Assault Cannon, 4 x Storm Bolters, 3 x Power Fist, Chainfist and Sergeant with power weapon
• 5 x Deathwing Terminators (Carnivean), Heavy Flamer, TH/SS, Lightning Claws, Chainfist, Power Fist, Sergeant with power weapon
• 5 x Deathwing Terminators (Dominus), Heavy Flamer, TH/SS, Lightning Claws, Chainfist, Power Fist, Sergeant with power weapon
• 5 x Inquisitorial Stormtroopers (Crucis) with 2 meltas
• 5 x Inquisitorial Stormtroopers (Arcturis) with 2 flamers

HEAVY SUPPORT

• Land Raider (Iron Will) with Extra Armour and Pintle Mounted Storm Bolter
• Land Raider Crusader (Blade of the Emperor) with Extra Armour and Pintle Mounted Storm Bolter
• Land Raider Crusader (Final Judgement) with Extra Armour and Pintle Mounted Storm Bolter

I brought the GKGM as he was a total beatstick in close combat, and I joined him, Belial and the Chaplain to squad Agares, putting them in Blade of the Emperor.  This ‘deathstar’ squad would go out and cause mayhem.

The stormtroopers were my ace-in-the-hole.  Cheap, small and scoring, they could jump into the Land Raiders once the terminators got out, making the AV14 vehicles scoring once again.

My plan (such as it was beyond, “Charge! Kill! Purify!”) was to let the enemy shoot at and charge the Land Raiders, before getting out and pummelling them. So, yeah – Charge! Kill! Purify!

My opponents brought a combined force of Daemons and Tyranids; 2000pts and 1100pts respectively.

Gary‘s Tyranids

• Tyranid Prime with Bone Sword and lashwhip and deathspitter
• Doooom of Malant’aiiiiiiii in a Mycetic Spore with a venom cannon
• Zoanthrope
• Broodlord with implant attack and adrenal gland (possibly toxin sacs, not sure) in a squad with 7 stealers all with adrenal gland and toxin sacs, all in a Mycetic Spore with tanglethorn something or other
• Squad of 8 stealers all with adrenal gland and toxin sacs
• Squad of 9 stealers all with same
• Carnifex with bioplasma

Robert’s Daemons

• Skulltaker on Chariot
• 3 x Heralds of Slaanesh on Chariots
• 6 x Fiends of Slaanesh
• 6 x Flamers
• 8 x Bloodletters
• 8 x Bloodletters
• 5 x Plaguebearers
• 5 x Plaguebearers
• 5 x Pink Horrors
• 5 x Pink Horrors
• 10 x Daemonettes
• 6 x Screamers
• 6 x Screamers
• Soul Grinder

Robert managed to make his Screamers out of air-drying clay a few nights before the game (all 12 of them), base them and paint them.  Amazing

Including Grand Master Ceres automatically gave the Daemons Sustained Assault, meaning they could recycle any destroyed Troops units into reserve, bringing them on either on their own long table edge or either short table edge.  I hoped this might make up for my three Land Raiders, knowing that of the three codexes in 5^th edition that struggle with Land Raiders, Tyranids and Daemons are two of them (*).

With only one Zoanthrope and two psychic hoods on the table, the Tyranids would struggle worse than ever.  The Daemons were bringing loads of Screamers, however, and even hitting on 6s, that many meltabombs would spell bad news.

Mission

We rolled up Seize Ground with 3 objectives, and Dawn of War deployment.

The forces of Darkness won the roll and, despite my suggestions to reconsider, decided to go first.  I think they both assumed I was trying to trick them, but I could not in all honesty let a Daemon army go first without saying something – and in an objectives mission at that.  But they went first

The first objective (a homing beacon) went in one corner of the table, the second (a book bound to a marble slab) in the diagonally opposite one and the last one (another homing beacon) went off-centre, about 18″ from the first objective.

Deployment

Daemons/ Tyranids

The two squads of genestealers deployed in cover right next to the central objective.  They would hold there for most of the game.

Deathwing

I deployed nothing, as it didn’t make sense to give the daemons a target and since my Land Raiders were not dedicated transports, I would have to deploy bare squads, which wasn’t my plan.

I kept Squad Dominus in reserve to deep strike.

Turn 1

Daemons/ Tyranids

Robert’s preferred wave came in.  Two units of Plaguebearers dropped onto the Book objective (henceforth just “The Book”), scattering a little.  Two units of Pink Horrors and a unit of Flamers hit mid-table just behind them.  The Soul Grinder came in and mishap’d, going back into reserve. Skulltaker and one Chariot came in behind the central forest with the genestealers in it and the unit of Furies came in just ahead of them, on the side of the central forest.  They all ran.

The Zoanthrope walked on, running 6″.  The Carnifex and the Tyranid Prime (a single unit) walked on into terrain.

Immediately, my opponent was claiming two of the three objectives, and contesting the third.  However, his forces were clearly weighted to my left, with not much on the right flank as yet.  I decided to focus on the two homing beacon objectives, and leave the Book.  In hindsight, I might have sent my three Dreadnoughts after the Book, but we’ll find out how they got on later

Deathwing

The two Land Raider Crusaders came on 12″ and popped smoke.  Squad Agares, with Belial, the Chaplain and the GKGM were in the one on my right (Blade of the Emperor), while squad Butator and the Librarian were in the one on my left (Final Judgement).  The Land Raider, Iron Will, with squad Carnivean, moved <6″, taking up position on my left flank.

The three Dreadnoughts walked on, popped smoke and ran (yes, they can do this! Pg 72 of the rulebook) to keep up with the Raiders.

Both units of Stormtroopers also walked on and ran.

Iron Will could see the Furies, rolling an 11 on night fight, and fired at them with its lascannon, putting a wound on them.

Turn 2

Daemons/ Tyranids

The Defiler arrived from reserve and, once again, mishap’d.  I got to place it, but since I wanted a nice violent game I plonked it down right in front of my Land Raiders   Why, yes, I would live to regret that, thanksforasking.

One Slaaneshi chariot came down, scattering into the central forest.  The last chariot came down, scattering into the ruin right beside my Land Raiders.  A unit of Bloodletters and a unit of Daemonettes came down well behind the central forest.

There was some losses to dangerous terrain rolls, and Robert realised he had forgotten to use his Icons!

My opponent was keeping his distance – even with his recycling Troops choices!  Okay…

And none of his Screamers had arrived yet

The Plaguebearers stayed put on the Book.  They didn’t move for the rest of the game, so let’s forget about them.  Everything else moved up (or around).  The Soul Grinder shot, but did nothing. and the Furies charged Iron Will, but failed to scratch it.

Deathwing

Squad Dominus came in.  Drat!  I had nowhere I really wanted to put them.  I tried to get them near the Zoanthrope, but they scattered towards the Soul Grinder.

Blade of the Emperor moved forward 6″ to get a meltagun shot on the Soul Grinder.  Torquaret and Zekiel moved toward the Soul Grinder as well, although I kept Torquaret back a little to prevent him being multi-charged by the Soul Grinder next Turn along with squad Dominus.

Stormtrooper squad Crucis, out of range of the Soul Grinder, spread out in the backfield to discourage the Mycetic Spores from trying to land there.

Kaelen moved out to help with the Furies.  Squad Carnivean disembarked from Iron Will, ready to show the Furies the true meaning of the word, while Stormtrooper squad Arcturis moved up to being their flamers to bear.

Lastly, fire support squad Butator disembarked from Final Judgement, ready to fire as needed.

My opponents rubbed their hands in glee.  Turn 2 and I’m getting out of my Land Raiders without being forced to!  And the Doom of Malantai is heading this way.  Ah, what the hell

Shooting managed to whittle the Furies down to only one model with a single wound.  The chariot in the ruins was wiped out, mostly by the Stormtroopers incredibly enough.  The multimeltas failed to put a dent in the Soul Grinder.

Squad Carnivean finished off the Furies in assault (Dreadnought Kaelen failed to reach them), and consolidated back towards Iron Will.

Turn 3

Daemons/ Tyranids

The Doom of Malantai arrived, aiming for the ruins but scattering towards the Soul Grinder, and within 6″ of unlucky squad Dominus.

The Broodlord and his chums arrived right on the homing beacon objective in the corner.  All three objectives were now claimed by the forces of Evil.

A single unit of Screamers came down on the far side of the Book.  Although this meant they could use the Icons to avoid scatter, it did put them a long way from the action, even for jetbikes.  Could I persuade them to stay over there?

With a sonorous “Goooo-oooong” the Doom went to work.  Squad Dominus were the only ones nearby, took two wounds and failed two invulnerable saves.  Ouch!

Doom then used its blast weapon on them as well, costing it 2 wounds in the process.  Then everything else in range proceeded to shoot at Dominus (which meant the Soul Grinder, both Mycetic Spores, the Zoanthrope and the Tyranid Prime), wiping out my last power fist in the squad.  I now had nothing to fight the Soul Grinder with.  Losing that model also meant my Dreadnought Torquaret was now level with the leading Terminator in squad Dominus, meaning he could be multi-charged by the Soul Grinder.

Which he was, promptly losing all three of his weapons!  Now I had nothing in that combat that could hurt the Soul Grinder

On my left flank, both remaining Slaaneshi chariots moved up and assaulted Kaelen, wrecking him before he had a chance to fight back.  They both consolidated away.

Shooting from the Horrors killed two Terminators in squad Carnivean.

Deathwing

I had to seize the initiative before the wave of daemons came crashing into my lines.

On the left, Stormtrooper squad Arcturis jumped into Iron Will and it raced off 12″ to my left, towards the Book.  I had no intention of contesting it, but I wanted to dissuade the Screamers from moving 24″ on their next Turn.

The remains of squad Carnivean shot at and then assaulted the closest chariot, putting it down to a single wound.  It killed one Terminator in reply, then used Hit and Run to get away.  Carnivean consolidated 6″ into the wrecked Kaelen (meaning any assaults on them would take a dangerous terrain test, for what it was worth).

Zekiel moved towards the Doom, which was now on 6 wounds and 6 Strength, meaning it could hurt the dreadnought in close combat.  Shooting got it down to 3 wounds/ strength, however, and Zekiel charged in, expecting to get a quick Instant Death hit.  It didn’t quite work out like that…

Might as well tell you know that Zekiel and the Doom remained locked in solo combat for the remainder of the game.  The Doom could not hurt Zekiel, but it could also not fail a 3+ inv save, no matter how many it had to make!  It survived a total of 7 rounds of combat with a dreadnought

The Doom did fire off its power one more time, in my shooting phase, and killed both remaining members of squad Dominus.  I rolled a 17 on 3D6, and failed most of the 8 5+ invulnerable saves I had to make as a result.

The Librarian and squad Butatis got back into Final Judgement and moved 12″ into the ruin, winding up atop it.  I didn’t fail a single dangerous terrain roll all game – lucky me!  They were now within one move of the central objective.

Blade of the Emperor moved 12″ forward, towards the Tyranids and that corner objective.  Time for the super-killy squad to show their moves.  Belial and Mega Chums piled out, shot at the Tyranid Prime (since shooting at the genestealers would have resulting in him pulling models to deny me the charge) and then got off a multicharge on the Tyranid Prime/ Carnifex and on the Genestealer/ Broodlord squad.

It was complicated (terrain, multiple ICs, frag grenades, lash whips, MCs and so on) but it was also fairly one-sided.  On the charge, my Chaplain gave the squad re-rolls to hit, and denied the genestealers the use of their Furious Charge and the Broodlord’s powers.  I lost wounds on Belial and the GKGM, and also lost two terminators to the Carnifex, but killed everything in reply

With Skulltaker and the daemons looming within charge range, I got a 6″ consolidation move, and got the whole squad safely on the other side of the Mycetic Spore.  Okay, next to a Monstrous Creature is hardly safe, but I wasn’t in base to base with it and it couldn’t move.

The Soul Grinder could only immobilise Torquaret.  Being Venerable has its advantages!  I could have put some powerfists into the combat to rescue him, but with all his weapons gone, what would that have got me?  One of my few units tied up with the Soul Grinder for (at least) one Turn?  Nah – I just had to leave him there, and now he was immobilised he was totally useless.  Other than being able to tie up a Soul Grinder, that is

Turn 4

Daemons/ Tyranids

All the remaining reserves came in.  The second Screamer squad came down in range of the Icon, meaning all the way off to my left again   The last squad of Bloodletters came down on the far side of the central forest.  They would need to move some to get into play there.

On my left, the Flamers moved up and shook the Land Raider Iron Will.

Both Chariots charged into the two remaining Terminators from squad Carnivean, killing them both.

Skulltaker, unable to reach squad Agares and my HQs, charged the Land Raider Blade of the Emperor instead, but failed to do any damage.  Given its paint scheme, I think he mistook it for a giant skull

The Zoanthrope tried to get off a Warp Blast, but the Ld10 psychic hood stopped him.

In the two interminable close combats,  Zekiel wiffs vs the Doom utterly and the Soul Grinder bangs repeatedly on Torquaret’s ceramite casing, only managing to shake him.  Again.

Deathwing

Iron Will reverses course and makes a beeline for the central objective, having done its job of persuading those Screamers to stay off to the left and away from my Crusaders.

Blade of the Emperor pivots, and lets Skulltaker eat 19 shots!  He disappears back to the immaterium, sadly without any enormous new skulls to add to his collection.

Final Judgement stays put on top of the ruins.  The squad inside are fire support, but I cannot risk getting them out so near the Doom.  Instead, Final Judgement lays into the Bloodletters, thinning their numbers.  I need to protect the corner objective and keep it safe, but if I wipe out any Daemon Troops units, they will come on next Turn right next to it!  I need to be careful.

Stormtrooper squad Crucis move up and melta the Zoanthrope, but fail to kill it.

Squad Agares splits, with the GKGM separating so he can fire at the Zoanthrope.  He kills it with his psycannon while the remainder of Agares fire on the Bloodletters, bringing them down to three models.

The Sisyphean assaults continue, with neither Zekiel nor the Soul Grinder making any progress.  Bang, clang, wiff!

Turn 5

Daemons/ Tyranids

The Screamers mob Iron Will-

-and get two penetrating hits.  The first wrecks it, but the second explodes it

I lose two Stormtroopers from squad Arcturis, but they pass their pinning test and I place them as close to the central objective as I can.  I have a plan for them, you see.  Several Screamers die in the explosion, as does a Flamer.

The three Bloodletters move into the open ahead of Blade of the Emperor, while the Daemonettes head for squad Agares on the corner objective, moving into terrain and running.

Zekial and the Soul Grinder carry on their futile slap-and-tickle, and fail to do nothing to nobody.

Deathwing

Game might end here.  I am hoping it does, as a daemonic wave is about to break over me.  One thing I need to do is kill the Mycetic Spore contesting the corner objective.  I keep the GKGM separate again for that purpose.

On my right, expecting to take a charge from the daemonettes if the game does continue, Belial and Co fire at them.  I also let them eat fire from Blade of the Emperor, leaving only a few remaining.

Stormtrooper squad Crucis try and move through terrain to reach Blade of the Emperor, but roll very poorly.  They shoot at the Mycetic Spore, but it makes its cover save against the meltas.  The GKGM wipes it out with his psycannon.

In the middle, I decide it is time to move Final Judgement up.  It moves 12″, ending within 3″ of the central objective and the Librarian and squad Butator get out again.  Stormtrooper squad Arcturis pick themselves up from the ruins of one Land Raider and run into another, getting inside Final Judgement.  It will be scoring even if squad Butator die.

Final Judgement uses POTMS to shoot its hurricane bolter at the Screamers, killing four.

Squad Butator shoots the genestealers up and then assaults.  I ponder whether to multi-assault the Bloodletters as well, but decide against it.  Turns out to be a good decision, as Butator only just manage to kill the genestealers.

Zekiel and the Soul Grinder do what they have been doing all game – ie a whole lot of nothing!

That said, I am claiming two objectives to my opponents’ one.  If the game ends here I win.

It doesn’t.

Turn 6

Daemons/ Tyranids

This could be painful, and it is.

Realising that squad Agares have the corner objective all but sewn up, the enemy focus all their effort on the middle one.

The Screamers and Flamers move up, and the second Bloodletter squad moves into the central forest.  The chariot does, too, but the second genestealer squad are in the way of both the Bloodletters and the chariot, stopping them from reaching squad Butator.

What can reach squad Butator, however, are the Flamers, the second genestealer squad and the three Bloodletters left over.  The Flamers kill two Terminators with shooting, and then the stealers and Bloodletters charge in, wiping out the Librarian and his men.  Caution: do not let power weapons near your 2+ saves

The Screamers melta Final Judgement, but only succeed in knocking a weapon off!  Glad I thinned their numbers last Turn.

The Daemonettes move up to contest, but don’t charge Belial and Co.

Wait!  What’s this?  The Soul Grinder finally wrecks Torquaret?  Incredible.  It only took him 7 rounds of walloping with that enormous sword!  The Soul Grinder turns around, scant inches from Blade of the Emperor.

Deathwing

Stormtrooper squad Crucis run back the way and melta the Soul Grinder in his now exposed rear.  Ka-BOOOOM!

See, Torquaret?  That’s what you should have done.

Belial and Co move up, shoot and assault the Daemonettes, wiping them out.  They consolidate back securely around the objective.

In the middle of the table, I try a tank shock.  Final Judgement lines up and drives over the objective, pushing the genestealers and Bloodletters back into the forest but – aaargh! – not more than 3″ away from the objective.

We roll, and the game ends there.

Result:  As squad Agares are Troops, they claim the corner objective.  The Plaguebearers (remember them?) claimed the Book objective and the central objective was unclaimed by either side.  DRAW.

After Match Thoughts: By my reckoning my opponents made a few mistakes, which I was able to take advantage of.  Going first was one.  Secondly, the two forces didn’t really come together much, and the weaker force split itself between two objectives, rather than clustering around one.  Finally, the Daemons did not play to their strengths, and failed to take advantage of the Sustained Assault rule.  A more aggressive deployment by them might have seen this game play out very differently.  Skulltaker in particular was a disappointment.  Even if I had charged him with Belial and Co, which I was expecting to do, he would have done some very unpleasant things to my ICs before going pop.

If I were to do things differently, I would have walked squad Dominus on rather than deep strike them.  I was a victim of my own deployment, there, as with a crowded backfield to deter enemy deepstriking, I effectively left my own unit with nowhere safe to come down.

I would probably put the GKGM (or, in future, an allied Elite Inquisitor with a psycannon) in with the fire support squad Butator.  Having them out in the open firing away with four storm bolters, an assault cannon and a psycannon would be invaluable over 5+ Turns.  Just not with Doom around!

Lastly, I should have deployed the three Dreadnoughts way over on my left.  They would have been able to get into assault quickly and, with any luck, got locked in close combat with some Fearless Plaguebearers, contesting that objective for possibly the entire game.  As it was, I went the whole game without shooting from any of them, so I missed nothing.

Summary: A good outing for the Deathwing.  I lost three of my four Terminator squads, but the durability and mobility of the Land Raiders ensured I stayed in the fight.  I need to learn to use fire support better, and not throw my Dreads away.

(* Orks are the third one, but you knew that)

Picture the scene.  You are gaming in a dim and smoke-filled room with three of your evilest, smack-talking gaming buddies and your army is in the midst of a complicated and dangerous assault on a table laden with tricky terrain.  You only have 400 points on the table, so every model counts.  The vile abuse and acid-laden taunts are flying thick and fast, and you have to keep up with that as well as with the ever-changing gamescape.

And one of your so-called buddies is holding a stopwatch and crowing that you only have 20 seconds to complete your shooting phase!  And you’re playing Tau!

Welcome to the joys of Rapid Fire Combat Patrol

The rules are simple.  You do not talk about Rapid Fire…no, hang on, failed meme-jack.  The rules are that each player gets 2 minutes for deployment, 2 minutes for each Movement phase and 2 minutes for each Shooting phase.  The only phase you don’t time is the Assault phase, since that is not under the control of just one player.  There is no rest between phases or between Turns, and the stopwatch is reset and started again immediately.

If a rules question comes up then the timekeeper stops the clock until he thinks it has been resolved.

Despite these strict time limits, we only managed to get three full games in yesterday evening, but at one an hour, and given how many times we stopped for a blether, or to discuss the particular odour of cheese coming from any of the many armies assembled, or to wonder openly at the flagrantly camp nature of Rab’s daemon prince this was pretty good going for us.

The Armies:-

Orks:

• Big Mek w/ KFF;
• 10 Grots with Runt Herder; and
• 3×2 Killa Kans with Grotzookas

Imperial Guard:

• 10 Veterans with 3 meltas in a Chimera with ML and hull HF;
• 10 Veterans with 3 plasmas in a Chimera with ML and hull HF; and
• 1 Hydra with hull HF.

Daemons:

• 10 x Daemonettes;
• 4 x Fiends of Slaanesh;
• 3 x Flamers of Tzeentch.

Tyranids:

• Broodlord with 4 Genestealers;
• 10 Genestealers; and
• 10 Genestealers.

Tau:

• 8 Fire Warriors;
• Sniper Drone Team;
• 3 XV25 Stealth Suits;
• XV8 Crisis Suit Team Leader w/  Missile Pod, Plasma Rifle, Targeting Array and HW Multi-tracker; and
• Piranha w/ Targetting Array & Fusion Blaster.

The Results:-

1. Orks (me) vs Imperial Guard (Brian)

The ork army was a fluff-bunny’s delight, built purely to a theme with no thought for potential on the tabletop.  You can see it in its fully-painted glory here.  Brian’s army was a raw netlist scraped from some WAAC (Win At All Costs) forum that stunk my cheese-ometer into overload.  Still, I agreed, grudgingly, to play him, on the basis that if, somehow, against all the odds and laws of man and god, I eked out a win, I would be crowned the greatest player of all time.

Reader, I won.

I won’t bore you with details of my tactical nous, which my opponent mistakenly and rather oafishly construed as “charging forward with a wall of steel running pell-mell for my tanks and trusting to a 4+ cover save to keep him alive”, which only goes to show how much he lacks an appreciation of the finer points of martial direction and strategic thinking.

I will not go into too many details about Brian’s means of cowardly avoiding combat by moving backwards (is that allowed? I never had time to ask, but any man of honour knows the answer in his heart), but it availed him nothing.  Other than two wrecked Killa Kans, but they are a mere detail.  A trifle.  Victory went to the pure, proving once and for all that when it comes to a battle between ultra-competitive, WAAC gamers and those who care only for the thematic and artistic merits of the hobby, the dice gods will always come down on the side of justice.

2.  Daemons (Robert) vs Imperial Guard (Brian)

I remember this game occurring, but very little about it, basking as I was in the adulation of the masses.  Some daemons came in and attacked some tanks.  There was probably some shooting, and dice were certainly rolled at one point.  I expect the Imperial Guard ran away a lot, but that is mere conjecture.

(The Daemons won with some good assaults on the IG lines, and the IG just could not marshall enough focused shooting to wipe any single unit out.  The game ended with all the IG units wiped out bar the Hydra, which was stunned and without its flak cannon.)

3. Tyranids (Gary) vs Tau (me)

Like a leper using a stone keyboard, it pains me to write this.

Gary brought what can only be described as an army tailor-made to kill Tau.  Struggle as I can – and I love him as a brother – I can find no other honest way to put it.  I decry tailoring one’s list to beat a particular opponent, and I can only hope that, in the aftermath of the indubitably hollow and empty victory Gary earned – a tarnished bauble no gentleman of breeding would ever display in public – he realises how low and inferior his methods have become.  If you come across him today, and he cannot meet your eye – nor even the eye of a menial, a servant or one of the female class – you will know what anguish tears at his soul.

How he knew I was going to play Tau when I had told him I would bring Orks is only another infernal blot on his dark heart.

But, like a child anxious to play his Xbox, I must press on.

I’ll wait…

Ahem

(Gary won the roll to go first and decided to infiltrate everything.  I set up on top of terrain, trying to cover as many blind spots near my deployment zone as possible.  Luckily, I seized the initiative and managed to shoot his Broodlord squad off the table.  The remaining two squads of Genestealers, enraged at the loss of their master, covered an enormous amount of ground to close the gap.  An assault on the blocking Piranha failed to hurt at all(!), and the Tau gunline wiped one of the two squads off the table.

Some bad maneuvering on my part resulted in the last remaining squad getting off a multi-charge on my Fire Warriors and Stealth Suits, wiping them out.

All I could do was move my Crisis Suit to draw the ‘stealers into the open where my sniper drones could see them.  I killed a few more and the Crisis Suit was charged by seven ‘stealers.  And lived!  Sensing a vast and impossible victory in the making, I advanced my Sniper Drone Squad and charged with them.  Yes, you read that right   Incredibly, the ‘stealers did no wounds yet again.  Prepare a message for Aun’Va – this battle will be studied for years to come. Could I pull this off? 

No.  I did all my attacks back and wiffed.  I died horribly the next Turn.

Congrats to Gary on his inaugural win with his new ‘stealer list.  He took a very shaky opening and stuck to the plan.  I look forward to denying your Doom of Malantai the opportunity to kill me in my Devilfish soon

Conclusion

Three great games, and a lot of fun.  There were even jelly babies.  Note: jelly babies should not be used to proxy models or count wounds, unless you like squads that shrink or models that heal themselves when no-one is looking.

Next post: more Malifaux city terrain, and maybe an overview of the new Malifaux book, Rising Powers.

Oh, yes – Robert – you left your dice tower behind

I got everything checked and packed and then checked again the night before, persuaded my dodgy GPS to show me the way to the venue and not attempt to convince me I was still in Cornwall (long story, even longer drive) and arrived on time and really looking forward to a day’s gaming.

The sun was, of course, splitting the sky. It does that when I play all-day tournaments. It is the Sun God’s way of telling us to spend even more time indoors, since otherwise think of all the UV light we’d be exposed to! Pale, pasty and safe from malignant melanomas for another 24 hours, fourteen gamers gathered and got ready to roll some serious dice in search of everlasting glory.

I took my Tau, and decided to try a version of one of Stelek’s lists. It was very close to what I usually play (the five-man Crisis unit army I mention here) so I figured I wouldn’t have much problem adapting.

Here it is:-

Shas’el with plasma rifle, missile pod and multitracker
3 x Crisis Suits with plasma rifle, missile pod and multitracker
3 x Crisis Suits with plasma rifle, missile pod and multitracker
2 x Crisis Suits with plasma rifle, missile pod and multitracker
6 x Fire Warriors with Pulse Rifles
10 Kroot with 6 Hounds
10 Kroot with 5 Hounds
8 Pathfinders; Devilfish with SMS, targeting array, multitracker, disruption pod
Piranha with fusion blaster, targeting array and disruption pod
Piranha with fusion blaster, targeting array and disruption pod
Hammerhead with burst cannons, targeting array, multitracker, disruption pod
Hammerhead with burst cannons, targeting array, multitracker, disruption pod and black sun filter
2 x Broadsides with targeting array; team leader with 2 shield drones and target lock